#sol18- February 20, 2018
Today I realized that by the time I write the slice after this I will be a year older- I will be 55! I remember years ago thinking that Marcia Brady (from the 70s show The Brady Bunch) was the epitome of mature and that one day I would feel mature like her. I also remember thinking, “Wow! In the year 2000, I will be 37 and that is so old!” I often laugh to myself when my sons (or anybody else for that matter) asks me for advice because I still feel like I am not wise enough to dispense much worthwhile advice. On the other hand, I know that when I was looking for my next job there were a few countries I had to rule out because I would be 55 by the time I started work there and employment laws there did not allow someone that hold to begin a contract.
Then there’s teaching- I almost never think, “Yup, I’ve got this- I feel all caught up and have done all I should have done.” I seem to always have that hamster on a wheel feeling thinking to myself “I have to do this, then this, and then that.” Feeling like this when it is only me I have to take care of- no more kids, no more pets, just me, makes me marvel at those teachers who have lives outside of work- how do they juggle all that (and yet I remember the days when I had to do just that and somehow I did).
So here I sit a few days before a landmark birthday wondering…Am I supposed to feel mature by now? Will I ever feel wise? Should I be feeling like teaching is easy? Then again, I wonder if this what keeps me going, this never quite on top of it, never quite at the top of my game feeling? Is this why I voraciously devour PD books? Keep learning new things? Try out new strategies? Never content to do things just the way I did before. Is this just who I am and this birthday would be a good time to start accepting it? Maybe that is growing up- realizing all of my foibles and going with them.