What Is Old and When Will I Feel Grown Up?


#sol18- February 20, 2018

Today I realized that by the time I write the slice after this I will be a year older- I will be 55! I remember years ago thinking that Marcia Brady (from the 70s show The Brady Bunch) was the epitome of mature and that one day I would feel mature like her. I also remember thinking, “Wow! In the year 2000, I will be 37 and that is so old!” I often laugh to myself when my sons (or anybody else for that matter) asks me for advice because I still feel like I am not wise enough to dispense much worthwhile advice. On the other hand, I know that when I was looking for my next job there were a few countries I had to rule out because I would be 55 by the time I started work there and employment laws there did not allow someone that hold to begin a contract.

Then there’s teaching- I almost never think, “Yup, I’ve got this- I feel all caught up and have done all I should have done.” I seem to always have that hamster on a wheel feeling thinking to myself “I have to do this, then this, and then that.” Feeling like this when it is only me I have to take care of- no more kids, no more pets, just me, makes me marvel at those teachers who have lives outside of work- how do they juggle all that (and yet I remember the days when I had to do just that and somehow I did).

So here I sit a few days before a landmark birthday wondering…Am I supposed to feel mature by now? Will I ever feel wise? Should I be feeling like teaching is easy?  Then again, I wonder if this what keeps me going, this never quite on top of it, never quite at the top of my game feeling? Is this why I voraciously devour PD books? Keep learning new things? Try out new strategies? Never content to do things just the way I did before. Is this just who I am and this birthday would be a good time to start accepting it? Maybe that is growing up- realizing all of my foibles and going with them.

Former students slicing- Zhi Hong, Toby, and Juliet.

12 thoughts on “What Is Old and When Will I Feel Grown Up?

  1. At 51, sometimes I’m still amazed that I can go into a store and buy (and then consume) all the candy I want and no one can say, “NO!” I guess that tells you where my heart is, and apparently that’s what being an adult means to me. lol But, all kidding aside, I enjoyed your reflections and especially your ending line. Happy Birthday!

  2. I completed 56 in January 🙂 Each stage in life is different and for me the stage which I have left behind will always be a part of my memories. The now is important, of course the past and the future do play an important role 🙂 As we grow older the way we think changes and we don’t feel that w are old 🙂 Wish you a very happy birthday. Thanks for sharing.

  3. I’m even older than you, going to be 64, and I still don’t feel grown up! You described that hamster on the wheel feeling so well…. Thanks for sharing.

  4. I have so many of the exact same thoughts as you. Older people always seemed so wise to me and so often now, I find myself to be the oldest in the room! I’m just one year behind you and I usually love double numbers. But 55 is the age my father had a fatal heart attack and left us when I was only 25. At that time, 55 seemed so old. Now that I approach this age, I realize too how much he didn’t get to do, having only lived 55 years. happy early birthday and the way people age now, you might just be at your half-way point!! Continue to stay young at heart!

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