I don’t know about you, but I do not remember the last time I slept through the night (I feel for you new parent, you think those days will end some day, well…maybe you will be lucky). Here’s the thing- I live alone, it should be easy- I have no one to blame but me. My wake up with the kids nights are way past. But last night I saw 11:44, 1:56, and then 5:20 glare at me from my digital clock and I had no alarm to wake up to as it is a break from school.
I blame my body. I remember years ago a gynecologist commented, “You sure can tell you are a teacher, with a bladder that size.! I knew what she meant (and you do too if you are a teacher)- toilet breaks just do not happen (one perk of online school, they do happen).
Somehow that large bladder does not transfer to nights. Whenever I wake up I do a scan. Do I have to go to the bathroom? Was I snoring? Are there dogs barking outside? Is my air conditioning leaking? What made me wake up? Is someone breaking into my apartment? I usually decide I might as well use the toilet to eliminate future wake ups.
Then there is a whole new checklist.
- flip flops on
- light on or off?
- indulge my inner nosy and look out the window to see who else is up?
- look for the moon and stars?
- flush?
- read for a bit afterward?
- give up and stay up?
Last night was a three pee night, a good night is only one.
Ms. Victor Reads 
Ha! A three pee night! I feel your pain. It doesn’t matter how big the bladder is during the school day, it becomes over-active after dark. I made my own three trips last night. (I chose to flush…)
I’ve been blaming the wakeful nights on too much screen time. Apparently, we are all up all hours together!
I’m crying and laughing at “three pee night.” Now I need to go. I had the same kind of night last night and seem to be in my way to another one like it tonight. *sigh*
My boss is the same way! I’m lucky to be able to sleep through the night most of the time. On the odd occasion that I can’t, it ruins the next day. Hope you can sleep tonight!!
I am pretty sure I have heard it called age-related peculiarities. The trip to the toilet wouldn’t be a problem if the sleep returned fast after that. I like how you address this with humor.
You almost perfectly described my nights – except Ugg slippers and not flip flops – without mentioning sweating. Where is the part about waking up drenched and the mental dilemma of get up or don’t get up? When you go from on fire to freezing? I listen to audio books and that does the trick for me getting back to sleep. Now with the two broken arms … it’s just a mess! Thank you for bringing humor to a frustrating topic!
Fellow intermittent sleeper here. My son’s asthma started this pattern a decade ago. I had almost overcome it and started sleeping like a normal human, then… one hysterectomy later, nope. That ship has sailed and sunk. I’ve found my best sleep happens right before it’s time for my alarm clock!
I love- and relate to- the humor and honesty in this post.
I am so sorry that this made me laugh, LOL.
Well, our toddler is actually a pretty good sleeper, most nights anyway. When I was pregnant with him, I would often brag (whoops!) that I was still sleeping like a queen. I didn’t wake up to pee, I didn’t wake up uncomfortable – all the way until the last 2-3 weeks. This time, however, I’m only at the end of the second trimester, and I think I was up at those same times you were, but here in Houston! WHEW!
Sending you happy, restful sleep blessings!
I feel your pain. There are a few nights I can sleep soundly through, but a lot more two-pee nights. Why does that teacher bladder not work at night? Thanks for the laughs.
Erica, I sadly can relate. Our dog sleeps in our room, and I often hold it because I don’t want to deal with him (my shadow). Great Slice!
I can relate. While I’m not up that often the vertical bladder capacity is much greater than the horizontal bladder.
One thing that has worked for getting back to sleep. I have a pencil and a pad of paper–yes,the paper problem– that I use to jot down what is bothering me. Then I seem to be able to relax enough to drift back to sleep. Peace!
Sleep. You don’t realize what a commodity it is until you can’t get it. This was a wonderful slice! I do something that may help at three A.M. I say the alphabet backwards. Try it. It may just do the trick!
This is brutally honest and I love it. Thank you for making me laugh about the silly things in life that can oft be totally annoying. Why not choose to enjoy a laugh instead?
Bravo!
Erika, I am behind in reading the string of post that you started with this one, so I had to come and read it. Somehow yesterday when I read Terje’s post (and she linked here) I hadn’t clicked. Then last night I had a three-pee night. I love the terminology you coined here and finally got out of bed at 5:20, after lots of questions and writing notes so I wouldn’t forget. Today it is my turn to write about my nighttime musings. Thanks for starting us thinking!